Broken Hearts and Answered Prayers

As I write this, there is a little copper dachshund nestled so close to me that I am having trouble typing. I am not complaining, because I kind of like the sweet little nuisance. But this time last week, was a different story.

Olivia introducing Jack Eliot to snow. He was not impressed.

We had woken normally, and let our dog of about 6 or 7 years, Jack Eliot, out to potty, like we always do. It was an extra cold day at about 20 degrees, and so Kevin had made sure to bundle Jack up into a sweater and jacket to keep him warm. I always worried about his thin little legs and feet on days like that one. About 20 minutes later, as we all started to gather up our things for work and school, we called Jack Eliot (named for the sweet dog in The Lake House, and my favorite poet, T.S. Eliot) to come in. Oddly, he did not come running. He hated cold, and so he would usually be waiting for us at the door when it was time to come in.

Jack looking regal

This sent off a warning bell in my head, but I pushed it back, and we all four went out to call for him. After about 15 minutes of calling, and walking around the house, and honestly, getting a little frustrated with Jack, I decided I had to get the girls to school, and me to work. Kevin
offered to stay till 8 looking for him, even though that would make him late.

On the way to school, the girls and I prayed that Jack would be warm, and that we would find him waiting on the porch for us when we returned home. I was comforted by the fact that it was supposed to warm up to the 50s later that day. Lauryn-Elizabeth had made a prophetic (though
we did not know at the time) comment that Jack could have slipped on a log into the small creek that ran beside our house in the woods. I told her there was no way that had happened. I put it out of my mind, and focused on work as much as I could, but little worries nudged the corners of my mind all day.

Still, I was not SERIOUSLY concerned. This is the dog that survived being run over by a car. Not hit….run completely over. He survived a massive attach of heartworms. Both times, he was on death’s door, and came back stronger than ever. So, I truly did not think anything was wrong with Jack. I thought he had just run off chasing a smell, and would certainly be home when we returned. Nothing could kill that little trouper!

Jack Eliot looking at his "Welcome Home" banners

after his miraculous recovery when I ran over him.

But, that was not to be.

When we got home, there was no Jack Eliot waiting at the door for us, no excited eyes, no wagging tail. The empty driveway filled me with dread. I was pretty sure what that meant; Jack was nothing if not a loyal dog. He would have been home if he were able. But still, I had some hope. So, we three girls began to search. (Kevin was still at work.)

And then it happened.

I had walked to the back corner of the backyard, while Liv had been searching the woods in front of the house, where Jack spent most of his day usually. But Liv had slipped in to the backyard to search with me, and saw him.

He had slipped into the pool and drowned.

(Let me interject here, that my heart breaks at the thought of Olivia finding him this way. Two hearts have never been so intertwined as Olivia and Jack Eliot. They truly were best friends. He seemed to know her thoughts, and she loved him fiercely. I desperately wish it had been me.)

Her screams shook me. I mean really shook me. It was a sound I have never heard come from Olivia’s mouth, and I hope I never do again. I ran to her, but she just ran inside the house before I could make it over to her. In the process I slipped on our deck. At that moment, I guess I was too hopped up on adrenaline to notice, but later I realized I had seriously injured myself. (I limped for a few days afterwards.)

Lauryn-Elizabeth had heard the commotion by this time, and came running over, a palpable fear on her face and a panic in her eyes. I told her, and she joined Liv in screaming. I grabbed them, and just tried to hold them, but my pain was great, too. I had loved Jack deeply as well.

This moment ranks as one of the worst Mommy moments ever. I could not make things better when their grandmother had died, and I could not make things better now either. And they just…kept….screaming…..

That is a moment I will never forget, as much as I wish I could.

The next hour is a blur. We cried together, and went to our rooms and cried separately. I went outside and stood in the backyard and argued with God for a bit. I remember just crying, and asking why in the world would he break the girls’ hearts like that.

In the end, we all sat in the living room, and cried together. Kevin had gotten home by this point, and so together, he and I tried to explain it to the girls so that they could accept it. But I am pretty sure we failed.

The girls slept with me that night, and the following night. They were having nightmares, and
Liv could not get the memory of what she had seen in the pool out of her mind. Neither child was sleeping well, but Liv was waking with dark circles of sadness under her eyes. She was despondent, and I was really worried about her. I prayed over and over for their hearts to heal.

And then, God stepped in.

A friend sent me a message that she had seen a dachshund on Facebook for free! I knew that getting another dachshund was risky, but Olivia told me that as long as our next dog did not look like Jack Eliot that she could handle it. So I crossed my fingers, and looked at the picture. The dachshund was a girl, and a beautiful copper brown- nothing like Jack.

So, I called about her, and we went over after Liv got out of soccer practice for the day. I was cautiously optimistic, and warned the girls that we were only going to look…..not to necessarily take her home.

We drove to the house (stopping at the wrong house two times in the process) and cautiously walked up to the door. The dachshund’s owner was already waiting at the door holding her. It wasn’t love at first sight. Olivia stood aloof while Lauryn-Elizabeth sat on a bench and held the dog. She smiled tentatively at me, and the dog shivered, but then looked up and gave Lauryn-Elizabeth a lick on her chin. I sat beside her and the dog looked at me, clearly scared, but willing to let me pet her and hold her.

Then I asked Olivia if she wanted to hold the dog. She was hesitant. I knew she was scared to love another dog, maybe not even ready. But she took a chance, and held the dog. And then she
smiled. And I knew we were taking the dog home.

Natalie, as we call her, had fit right in. She loves to snuggle with us, and is playful and cheerful, and is already one of the family. She brought joy back into our family. I still don’t know why God allowed Jack to be ripped away so suddenly, but I can accept it because he provided a
way out. He answered our prayers by sending us Natalie.

Thank you, Natalie, for bringing joy back into our house again.

We love you Jack Eliot. We will never forget you. Thank you for the joy you brought us. We were proud to be your family.